Control
by Eilish92
Summary: Sam is going through a major emotional journey, the question will be whether Dylan will be there to support her or not?
1. Chapter 1

**Control**

Hello all, this new fiction is an idea which I have been pondering for a few days but I was inspired after Saturday's episode, Lest Ye Be Judged and therefore this is set after then. Sam is going through a major emotional journey, the question will be whether Dylan will be there to support her or not?

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><p><span>Sam<span>

How had she let things get so out of control in her life again? The move to Holby whilst on secondment was meant to be a source of stability in her life, not another place to create more chaos which she couldn't cope with. In her mind it seemed like everywhere she went, she caused trouble to those around her and this time it looks like her reckless behaviour was going to catch up for her once and for all.

She stood in front of the fridge in her small flat, looking at it the contents before slamming the door shut again, nothing seemed appealing to her so she flicked the kettle on to make herself a much needed strong cup of coffee to clear her head.

As she waited for it to boil, she cast her mind back to earlier in the day, where she had another small confrontation with her estranged husband. Her mind began to ponder the possible reasons which Dylan could have had for doing his best to avoid the GMC.

At first, in vain, she had assumed that this was his way of silently showing his support for her however he had this very clear that this was not the case when he flew off the handle in the staffroom. Her next thought that it had been in relation to his own past issues with the bureaucratic governing body and that he had wanted as little to do with Mr Morton as possible for the fear of having his own demons cast up again, which no doubt would happen during such a process. Then it dawned on her that perhaps he really didn't care about her anymore and she was just a simple technicality in her life which he couldn't be bothered to actually put the effort into divorcing, his avoidance of the GMC had not been to support her but it was simply the fact that he had no interest in what happened to her anymore. It would actually be more convenient for him if was to be struck off because of the whole thing, that would mean that she would never be able to invade his life again.

The thought of the possibility had crossed her mind a few times but until today she had never really thought how likely this is to happen, if she was struck off by the GMC this would also mean that she would be dishonourably discharged from the army. If such a thing was to ever happen, she had no idea how she would cope, she needed to be in control of her life.

It had seemed to her that over the past few weeks he seemed to be adjusting to her being back in his life again, sharing some light banter with each other over Dervla's new coat but he appears to be shrinking away from her again, not that she would blame him. She reached the conclusion that he had was probably just tolerating her being around, knowing that it would be long until she found a way of screwing everything up like she always did.

The loud hissing of the kettle interrupted her thoughts and she busied herself with making her cup of coffee to settle onto the sofa with as she started to read the procedure for a GMC disciplinary hearing. As the hot liquid slid down her throat and into her stomach, a familiar feeling rouse within her and she made her way to the bathroom where she knew she could regain a part of the control which she had lost.

Dylan

He knew that he should have never reacted to her the way he did in the staff room, if he had just agreed with her then maybe he wouldn't be standing outside her flat right now attempting to catch a glimpse of her just to make sure she was ok.

In honesty, the reason he had tried to avoid the GMC was that he was scared that he would make matters worse for Samantha. It had been playing on his mind since the incident happened that the whole thing was his fault, if he hadn't angered Mr Parr then he wouldn't have been in the staffroom and Samantha wouldn't be in this whole mess. He would never admit any of this to her face, she would pull herself away from him if she thought that he was feeling guilty and she would push him further out of her life.

As he stood looking up at the window to her flat, third from the left, he wondered what she would think if she looked outside and saw him standing there. Anytime he wanted to feel close to her, her would come here whilst out walking Dervla so he would always have an excuse in case she ever caught him.

He tried his best to pluck up the courage for once and actually made his way up the path, there hadn't been any movement inside for the whole time he had been standing there, despite the fact that all the lights were on, so he had to check that she was ok and that she hadn't done anything stupid.

His hand reached up to double check her flat number, not wanting to disturb any of her neighbours, and that's when he saw it 'Ms Nicholls'. He felt sick to the bottom of his stomach, she was back to being Nicholls. Whilst they were married in her personal life she was always Mrs Keogh and it was only in a profession capacity that she was Dr Nicholls. The last time he had seen her describe herself as Ms Nicholls was when they had signed the register making their marriage legal, from that day on she was a Keogh. At that moment he knew he shouldn't be there and that he had to leave, she had moved on and even changed her name so he should respect that and leave her in peace.

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><p>Thank you for reading, please leave a comment to let me know what you think :)<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Control – Chapter 2**

I just want to say a massive thank you to anyone who had taken the time to read or comment :) Just a little warning that there are some spoilers in this chapter!

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><p><span>Dylan<span>

As he made the short walk back to his boat, the name tag for her flat was still floating around in his mind. In a strange way he felt that he was further away from her now than when she was in Afghanistan despite living in such close proximity.

He quickly got himself and Dervla ready for bed, as the prospect of sleep seemed to be more appealing to him right now than sitting with his own thoughts for company. As he lay looking up at the ceiling for what felt like hours, all he could think about was whether her new_ boyfriend_ had anything to do with the sudden change of name and whether this was Samantha's way of telling him, perhaps she knew that he had been secretly standing outside her house and this was her way of telling him to stop?

Eventually he did drift off to sleep however his sordid thoughts of _his_ wife with another man was converted, in his mind, into horrid nightmares. All he could picture when his eyes were closed were the two of them together, arms wrapped around one another, laughing together, lying in bed together. It wasn't that he wished Samantha unhappiness, if it was up to him he would make sure she had all the happiness in the world but he couldn't help but wish that she was still with him, lying beside him, snuggled into him. But she wasn't, she had made her choice and he knew he had to accept that she was with his now.

No matter how bad Dylan was at remember names, he would always remember than man who stole _his_ Samantha away from him. Corporal Ian Dean.

Sam

When she finally emerged from the bathroom, she noticed that it was 3am and she had been in there for almost 4 hours. Upon realising the time she swiftly made her way to bed, knowing that she would have to be up for the early shift in the morning which would mean he would get little more than 2 hours sleep.

When she awoke, she felt groggy and had a familiar bitter taste in her mouth, she dragged herself out of bed grudgingly and made her way back to the bathroom to get herself ready. As she was cleaning her teeth, she couldn't help but catch a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror and she couldn't help but hate what was looking back at her. Her features looked withdrawn, her skin pale and her eyes had dark circles around them.

She decided that cycling to work would be the best way to clear her mind of her actions from the previous night. As she cycled all she kept thinking over and over again how stupid her actions were to have opened up all those old emotions but at the same time a part of her mind was making her remember how good it felt to let everything out and how each time she threw up a part of her seemed to hurt less.

When she made her way to the staffroom, she hoped that he had already finished his morning routine and was in the confines of CDU where she wouldn't have to face him because she knew if he took one look at her, he would know what she had done and she would no longer be in control.

Dylan

The following morning, when he emerged from his disturbed night of slumber, he was in a more foul mood than usual and he even pitied the people who would have to work with him today.

He made his way into work a little early like he usually did to give himself time to get organised for the day and have a skim of the newspaper in the staffroom with a cup of coffee. This had been his morning ritual for as long as he could remember, although he often wondered why he subjected himself to listen to the dull lives of his colleagues who seem to insist on wanting to drag their personal life through the ED at every given opportunity.

After settling into the furthest possible seat from everyone else in the staffroom he started to browser his paper, this was when he saw her arrive for work and all his thoughts from the previous night came rushing into his mind again. He had to get away from her, even looking at her at the moment brought back all the hurt which he felt. With that thought he promptly folded away he newspaper, poured his coffee away and exited the now crowded room without so much as a word to her.

Sam

He had blanked her, not even so much as a good morning or a hello. In part she was relieved that he had not got too close to her however it soon dawned upon her that perhaps he wouldn't notice what she had done, because he just didn't care about her anymore. She got what she wanted, control.

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><p>Thank you for reading, please leave a comment to let me know what you think :)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Control – Chapter 3**

I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment :) I hope to have the next update ready before the beginning of next week. Many of you have been asking if you have missed what Sam has been up to but I haven't said yet, just made inferences to it, all will be revealed soon enough!

Sam

She began to get the familiar lightheaded feeling around lunchtime, halfway through her shift. As she stood beside the nurses' station in the middle of the ED, she pretended to be filling out a patients chart when in reality she was just steadying herself. A few deep breaths in and out was all she needed to get her head clear, she just had to ignore the deep, empty feeling in her stomach.

"You alright there Sam?" Zoe's voice had an accusative tone to it as she eyed the young medic suspiciously

"Why wouldn't I be?" She snapped back quickly, she had never taken to the older woman, mostly due to the involvement which she had with her husband.

"You look a little peaky that's all. Why don't you go and take your break just now, we are pretty quiet?"

"I'm fine, I don't need a break, I have records to update and patients to see. We don't all spend our entire day looking for ways to sneak away for a cigarette break or to chase after someone else's husband. We have all heard the rumours, you seem to like sleeping your way to the top don't you and your not exactly shy about extra-marital affairs either are you?" Her tone was sharp, she really didn't need the questioning especially from Zoe however as soon as the words had left her mouth she regretted what she had said.

Zoe looked at her in complete shock, unable to comprehend what had just been said to her.

"You really need to watch how you speak to people Dr Nicholls, I know that you seem to have issues with authority but I am the consultant here and the way you are acting is way out of line." With that reprimand, she was gone, heels clicking on the floor as she left.

Dylan

How could she have been so stupid? After overhearing what Sam had said, he had began to make the short decent back to his reclusive ward. He had always know that has wife had major issues with authority and he always wondered how she had coped in the army but her distinct lack of respect for Dr Hanna could really come back to bite her especially as she was relying on the testimony of this woman in front of the GMC to hopefully save her career – he knew more than anyone the effect that the hearing could have on the young medics life. She could lose her job at Holby, be struck off by the GMC and dishonourably discharged from the army. He knew that the consequences of either one would have a grave effect on the young woman's life.

He had been walking past Nick's office on his way back to CDU when he saw that the door was ajar and he could hear raised voices which had caused him to slow his pace when he heard the mention of Sam's name.

Nick

"Oh come on Nick, she is a complete liability! She is awaiting a GMC hearing, I had to stop her fights a bunch of thugs last week, she is completely disrespectful towards other members of staff! Do I really need to continue?"

"Zoe I can hear what you are saying and I can see where you are coming from but is isn't that bad. She isn't the only one who had broken a few rules in her time, need a remind you that just last week you were sat in this very spot after you treated a patient when inebriated?" His tone was detached towards her, he had never really saw her as the type of person to come running to him to tell tales on her colleagues "Why are you telling me all of this Zoe?" She thought for a moment before she answered, selecting her words carefully.

"Well considering that you are Clinical Lead I thought that maybe you would like to know what is going on in your department. I'm not one to 'tell tales' usually but the things which she said today were heard by patients and other members of staff she completely undermined me Nick." Her voice was becoming more high pitched as she realised that Nick was not taking what she said seriously.

"I really thought more of you than someone who would allow personal feelings to interfere with work, I don't know what is going on with you and Dr Keogh but I suggest that you do not let that interfere with your opinion of Dr Nicholls" His statement was out of the blue and caught her completely off guard.

"What? That is completely ludicrous. First of there is nothing more than friendship between me and Dylan and even if there was I would never let that effect my clinical judgement! I am not going to stand here and have you question my motives with regard to Sam however mark my words Mr Jordan, she is a liability and don't say I didn't warn you when she finally does some irreparable damage!" With that she made her way to the door, mumbling to herself as she made her way towards the exit of the department for a much needed cigarette.

He settled himself back into answering the emails which he had been attending to prior to Dr Hanna's impromptu meeting and found himself wondering whether what Zoe had said was right and that Sam was going to become a bigger issue for him.

The best course of action in the circumstances was to be to let things play out, as much as he hated tension between members on his staff he was sure that the issues mentioned went way beyond the department and were engrained deep inside the confines of the Keogh marriage. The best way to deal with what had just happened was to allow the one person who he thought could get through to Sam speak to her.

Dylan

"Dr Keogh" The Clinical Lead's voice had shocked him as he was pretty sure he had remained unnoticed by the parties in the room but proceeded to make his way into the office.

"We shall just ignore the fact that you have been lurking by my door for near on 5 minutes eavesdropping on me and Dr Hanna's conversation" Dylan attempted to interject but failed "I assume that you heard what was being said and I strongly suggest that you make certain parties aware of the rising tension in the department"

Dylan stood in silence for a moment, pondering what had just been said to him when it dawned on him what was actually being asked of him.

"You want me to speak to Sam?" There was an element of surprise in his voice as he was pretty sure that up until now he and Sam had portrayed anything but the happily married couple.

"I couldn't actually tell you to do that officially however if you were to mention to her what you overheard and possibly encouraged her to keep her head down then that would be acceptable"

"Right, well, yes, I can understand why you would think that I would be able to speak to Sam but I can honestly say that from the day I met her she has been intent on doing the exact opposite of what I tell her. Whether it is self-destructive or not, it is like she enjoys seeing me worry." Dylan began to fidget with a loose thread on his shirt, becoming uncomfortable with how personal the conversation was becoming. With that, Nick smiled towards the incomprehensible doctor before returning his attention to his computer once again signally that the conversation was over and that Dylan should leave.

He knew what he had to do, as much as it was going to pain him to have the awkward conversation with the woman who knew everything about him.

Sam

Sam settled herself down on to the chair behind the desk, bringing her knees up to her chin as she actually made a start on the massive bundle of paperwork which was lying in front of her, she became so engrossed in her thoughts that she wasn't aware of the presence of Dylan behind her or how long she had actually been sitting in the same spot twirling her pen between her fingers.

"Do you really have to wind people up all the time Sam? I know you have some sort of talent for it but Zoe is fuming at the way you spoke to her earlier" She could tell that Dylan was angry with her and so he should be but he was another person who she really didn't want to deal with.

"I'm really not in the mood Dylan" As much as she wanted him to acknowledge her, she really didn't want to listen to another one of his tirades about her keeping out of trouble.

"Well I suggest that you get 'in the mood' because she is really not happy, I heard her talking to Nick about it. You do realise that she is being called by the GMC against you so would it really hurt to be pleasant toward her, if not pleasant then maybe not abusive!" His words we buzzing around in her head, she wasn't really taking them in, not really comprehending what he was actually saying to her. All she could think of how she needed to get away from him, away from everything which was going on around her.

She started to unravel her body from its tangled sitting position but failed to actually stand as one of her feet had become numb from being sat on for such a long period of time.

"Are you really not going to say anything Sam? This can't go on you know? Think before you speak next time!" With that final statement, Dylan was gone. He had saved her from having to conjure up some sort of explanation which she just didn't have, she knew that she had acted recklessly once again but she just couldn't help herself.

When she had finally retrieved the feeling in her lower limb, she stood up, straightened up her scrubs and stethoscope and made her way to Resus to check on her patient. As she was walking through the department, she couldn't help but get sidetrack into the woman's toilets.

After locking herself in the small cubical, she sat herself on the floor, placed her fingers in her mouth and began to retch over the cold porcelain bowl. Each time her body rid itself of the little amounts of water and coffee which she had consumed that, she felt a bit better inside, more in control of her life.

Thanks for reading! Please comment, good or bad :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Control**

I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and review :) Also I want to apologise for the lack of update for ages, its exam time at uni so I have had no time to write anything recently but I thought I deserved a bit of a break today! This will be a short piece and it will probably be about a week before I can update again.

**Chapter 4**

_Two weeks later_

Sam sat in the peace garden during her short break in a hope of soothing herself whilst escaping the prying eyes of those around her and she thought about everything which had happened recently.

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><p>Relief was not the right word to describe how she had felt when the GMC had cleared her as fit to practice, she was relieved that she had been cleared of any wrongdoing but a part of her was numb at the thought of her personal life being broadcasted so openly in from of her colleagues against her will. Her deepest, darkest secrets were now out for the world to judge.<p>

Her ritual of self destruction had continued and the effects were starting to become apparent in her body: her skin was greying; her eyes were constantly glazed and she was weaker than ever. If someone had asked her why she was doing this to herself she doubted that she would ever be able to explain it to them, every part of her life was out of her control in some way.

In the army she was constantly being told what to do, where to do it and how to do it, she was never allowed to be herself. Even now that she was on secondment she was controlled by the army, she was sitting awaiting their instructions as to when they wanted her back. She had been doubting if they would ever her back, it probably would have been easier to just discharge her now that the Afghanistan incident had emerged. Other people did not understand that an incident like that was something which happened in war zones, probably way more than it should, and that it was not a one off. To those who didn't know what it was like out there, they were never going to understand her actions.

At work, she was constantly under the watchful eye of her colleagues, Zoe was watching her like a hawk and questioning every decision she was making in her best efforts to second-guess and undermine her. The whole department seemed to be on edge around her, as if they would be guilty by association. She may have been cleared by the GMC but something like that never fully goes away, it will be written on a record in a file somewhere awaiting to emerge to kick her when she was down again. She was going to be controlled by hospital politics no matter what she did or where she went.

At home, her flat had become somewhat chaotic, she had never fully unpacked when she had moved in. The 'spare' bedroom had become more of a storage unit for all the items which she just didn't have the energy to unpack. It was more than physical energy, the emotional energy to pick through boxes of possessions from when she was married having to relive those days which she missed so much was too much for her to handle. At times, she would taunt herself and pull out her wedding album in order to look at the pictures of everything she had lost.

Dylan was doing his best to avoid her at all costs, he was changing shifts, arriving early and remaining in the confines of CDU in his best efforts to avoid her. She had never been sure what she had thought she was going to achieve by taking a job at the same hospital as him but she had been optimistically hopeful that it would have been more than this. When they had first got married, neither one of them would have expected things to have reached the point which they are at now.

Even her family were doing their best to dictate how she was living. Every conversation she had with her mother was resulting in them wanting to visit, see the new flat, see how she was getting on, they would tell her how much they missed having their weekly lunches with her and Dylan and how they should start doing that again. As much as her mum and dad had done everything to support her, she wanted to shield herself away from them and avoid having to see them mostly because she would finally have to tell them that she and Dylan were separated.

When they had first broken things off, she had been sure that it was only going to be temporary, they were quite accustom to heated arguments which were forgotten about moments later which is why she had assumed that this was going to be the same.

Her family had warned her when they had first got together that Dylan wasn't right for her, he was too old, she was too young but they didn't listen to anybody. Slowly her parents came around to the idea when they saw how in love the couple were but she knew that no matter how much they had accepted them, they would always be there to say 'I told you so' when everything went wrong.

Now more than ever she wanted to regain control of her life again, she didn't want to live in the hand of others, she wanted to be free to do what she wanted to do and be who she wanted to be.

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><p>Realising that she had long overstayed her time in the small garden, she pulled her navy Holby NHS issue hoodie around her thin frame and made her way back to work.<p>

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><p>Thanks for reading! Please comment, good or bad :)<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Control**

Again I am so sorry for how long this has taken me to write, as I said before it was exam time at uni so I had no free time but that's all over now and I can write as much as I like so expect lots of updates :)

My medical knowledge is very limited so there could be some mistakes here, Google only knows so much!

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

As she made her way through the familiar corridors of the ED towards cubicles to check on her patients she couldn't help but think that she wanted nothing more than to go home and snuggle up in bed although she knew that no matter how tired she was, she wouldn't sleep. She hadn't slept more than a few hours in the last week, tossing and turning was become her only rest as her body tried to resist the way she was treating it. For an unknown reason, throwing herself into work was a way of forgetting everything which was going wrong in her life, so she grabbed another patients file and made her way into the cubicle.

"Hi there, Mrs..." She paused for a moment to look at the paper in front of her but her eyes couldn't focus on what was written

"Mrs Tolley dear, but you can call me Betsy" An elderly woman lay on the bed in front of Sam smiling at her, she looked like she had a kind heart

"Ok Betsy, what seems to be the problem today?" Sam smiled at her and tried her best to focus on what was being said to her.

"Well dear, as I said to the nurse, I was awfully dizzy this morning, it felt like the room was spinning, then I became very lightheaded and I've been very nauseous for the last few days. When I told my daughter this she insisted on coming in, she is such a worrier, I am feeling much better now thought" As if right on cue, Mrs Tolley's daughter appeared in the cubicle again beside her mum with a look of worry etched on her face.

"OK, well we shall run some tests and see if we can get to the bottom of what is going on here. I shall get a nurse to come in and take some bloods and then we shall take it from there. You try to relax for now and I'll be back shortly" Sam made a swift exit from the cubicle and went to get Scarlett.

As she approached the young nurse, she couldn't help but feel like she was intruding on a conversation between her and Lloyd

"Hi Scarlett, can you take the usual bloods from Mrs Tolley in cubicle 4, FBC, ESR, CRP, UEC, LFT?"

"Sure, no problem." The young nurse barely acknowledging Sam before she turned back to her conversation with Lloyd, without so much as an inclination of going to get the bloods any time soon.

"Nurse Conway, anytime today would be good for the bloods if you please!" She hadn't meant to sound so harsh but she had a feeling that something wasn't quite right with Mrs Tolley.

"Making friends are ever, Sam!" Dylan always had great timing when it came to walking into conversations as he stood at the nurses stations smirking to himself

"Oh sod off Grumpy!" With that Sam stalked off heading towards the staff room to make herself a much needed coffee.

As she waited for the kettle to boil, Sam pulled out her phone to see if she had any new messages which would be unlikely. Sam was surprised to see that she had a missed call and a voicemail from her sister.

"_Sammi, call me when you get this message. Mum has taken one of her 'turns' again and she is insisting on coming to visit you"_

She immediately called her younger sister back to find out what was going on. Her sister was more of a free sprit than Sam, a lot less serious and more carefree, she was at fashion college in London and still living with their parents.

"Hey Mol, what's going on?... Why?... Have they left yet?... Oh God, I can't deal with this right now... Thanks for the heads up, I'll call you later... Love you too, bye" She put her phone back into her pocket she slammed her fist against the worktop.

"Sh*t" Sam cursed under hear breath, if her mum was coming to visit then she was going to have to tell them what was going on with her.

"What's wrong?" She hadn't noticed that Dylan was now beside her and making his own coffee

"What?" Sam started to move out of the way of Dylan towards the sofa where she slumped down and put her head in her hands as she drew her knees up to her chest

"Well you are shaking, sitting wrapped in a ball and cursing, so just a wild guess but something is wrong!" He went to sit beside her and placed a coffee in front of her just the way she likes it, black with two spoons of coffee and two sugars.

"I missed a call from Molly, my mum and dad are coming to visit" She didn't raise her head from her hands

"Yes, clearly parents visiting their daughter would cause such a reaction" He knew he wasn't being overly helpful but somehow he couldn't help himself

"Screw you Dylan!" She got up to storm away but he grabbed her wrist as she winced due to how fragile her body had become.

"What's going on with you Sam? And don't give me that crap that its nothing and don't try to shut me out again" He let go of her wrist as she sunk back onto the small sofa.

"They don't know about us" She paused to take a sip of the coffee he had made her "I never told them" Her voice was almost childlike as she sat.

"Samantha, its more than that. I know you are not well again. Don't even try to deny it, I know the signs we have been here before and I know ok."

Again she buried her face into her hand and tears began to slide down her cheeks. He looked towards her, not knowing what else to say so he pulled her into his chest and held her as he whispered into her ear "We will deal with this together, all of this".

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><p>Thanks for reading! Please comment, good or bad :)<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Control**

As promised a quicker update than before :) I just want to say a massive thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read this and comment! There will be more of Sam's family mentioned soon, this is more of a filler chapter.

The italics are flashbacks.

**Chapter 6**

Dylan strode towards Nick's office with a distinct purpose and he was not going to take no for an answer, he knew that he had to be there for Sam more than ever at the moment, he had been there the last time she was unwell and it had taken all of both of their strength to get her back to being healthy.

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><p><em>Watching them force the lines into her frail arms had ripped his heart out, he had wanted to take her home and just hold her but that was never going to help her she was going to need more than just him and she was going to need time. When he had been asked to leave the ward as he was unsettling his wife the only thing he could do was prop himself up at the nearest bar and drown his sorrows to forget the words which were haunting him.<em>

"_How could you do this to me? You were supposed to love me!" _

_The venom in Samantha's voice was palpable as she screamed at him across the corridors when he had insisted that she needed professional help to get better, he knew that she didn't mean it but it didn't mean that he wasn't hurting._

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><p>"Mr Jordan, do you have a moment?" He had a stern look on his face and was determined to give away as little information as possible<p>

"Yes Dr Keogh, please sit down" He gestured towards the chairs in his large office

"No, this won't take long. Myself and Dr Nicholls require some leave, a week perhaps two to take care of some personal business." His words were short and sharp, but still expressed the urgency necessary.

"OK, when is this time needed?" Nick was slightly shocked, it was no secret that Sam and Dylan were a unique couple but it was strange for them to need time off at the same time or that Sam was allowing Dylan to ask on her behalf.

"Immediately, it's an urgent matter, I can't say any more than that. Nick you know that we wouldn't ask if it wasn't utterly necessary." He attempted to keep his tone detached, but the emotion was evident in his voice.

"Is everything ok? If it is an urgent as you say then how can I say no." Nick's tone was soft, almost caring but without sounding too prying.

"Thank you" He nodded curtly and made his way to the door, ignoring the questioning

"Let me know when you are two are able to return to work" Again Dylan did not say anything and made his way back towards the staffroom to collect Sam and his belongings.

When he was back in the staffroom, Sam was standing staring out of the window, not moving whilst Lenny was racking through his locker.

"Sam, let's go" He didn't want to be hanging around longer than necessary, that would mean answering awkward questions which he knew at this present moment he didn't have the answers to.

As they made their way towards his battered Land Rover, Dylan was doing his best to look Sam over, examine what sort of condition she was in. He had been noticing for the last few weeks that she was returning to old habits, she was jumpier than normal, her skin had significantly paled, her eyes had lost their sparkle and his Samantha had lost her spark. Not to mention the fact that he couldn't remember the last time in the past few weeks that she wasn't wearing her Holby NHS issue navy hoodie, it was practically falling off her thin frame. In his mind he had chosen to not acknowledge what he was seeing to being with, he thought that if he blocked it out then it wasn't happening again.

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><p><em>Waking up alone in their bed had been the hardest for him, knowing that she was alone in a cold, clinical hospital bed. Walking back into the specialist unit had taking all his remaining strength, seeing some of the other patient there and thinking of his Samantha having to stay here made his want to run away back to the pub.<em>

"_Dr Keogh, I'm sure you understand that this will be a long road to recovery for Samantha and this illness is something which will stay with her for life, she is going to need as much support around her as possible" The friendly older doctor paused for a moment to allow Dylan to digest the information "Does she have any other family?"_

"_Yes." That was all he had responded with, he didn't want to commit to anything without speaking to Sam and he knew how her parents could be so it was better see what she wanted to do._

"_Ok, well I suggest that you contact them" The woman was perplexed at the Dylan's reaction to what was being said about his young wife._

"_Can I see her now?" Dylan could sense that he was p*ssing off this woman but he didn't really care, he had a major hangover and wanted nothing more than to see Samantha, although nothing could prepare him for what he was going to see._

_She just lay there, there was no life in her, no fight, her eyes were just staring at the door as if she was calculating a way out. When he made his way to sit with her and take her hand she pulled away from him, not wanting to be touch by him, when she did that he felt as if his heart was being shattered. Eventually when she spoke, he could hear the disappointment in her voice_

"_You look like h*ll, have a good night did you?" _

"_Not particularly no" He knew that there was no point is trying to explain away the way he look, she always knew when he had been drinking._

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><p>As Dylan and Sam made the journey back to her flat silently, Nick was left bewildered and now having to break the news to the rest of the team that they were going to have to pick up some of the slack, which they would not be happy with.<p>

"OK team, we are going to be a bit short staffed for a week or so therefore we will need all hands on deck" Nick was unsure how he was going to explain this to the team when he knew nothing himself.

"Why? What's going on?" If he had been a gambling man, he would have been more than happy to out a bet on with Noel that Linda being the first to seek out information, more out of a desire for gossip than care for the department.

"Dr Keogh and Dr Nicholls have taken some leave, effective immediately, to deal with some personal matters"

"You have got to be kidding, Dylan has it made!" Lenny muttered to Tom

"Dr Lyon's, care to share with the rest of us?" Nick knew that it was unlikely that he would want to hear Lenny's, more than probably, sarcastic comment but felt the need to enforce his authority no less

"Well, it's just that they barely say two words to each other and now they can both take time off at the drop of a hat to do God knows what!" Lenny could help but stifle a laugh

"Yes Dr Lyon's I can clearly see how this is your business" He was then interrupted by a very annoyed looking Zoe

"If we are all just going to stand here nattering about the Keogh marriage, I'm going for a cigarette" She stomped off, as quickly as she could, with her heels clicking against the floor.

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><p>Thank you for reading :) please comment, good or bad!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

**Control**

Once again a massive thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this :) Apologies for the time this has taken to upload, it's been sitting on my laptop for over a week just needing proofread, sorry!

**Chapter 7**

They drove silently to Sam's flat, neither knowing what to say to each other, so instead they continued at what they have always both been good at, ignoring their problems and each other.

Sam sat staring out of the front window whilst playing with a loose thread on her sleeve whilst Dylan drove as cautiously as ever.

"What time are your parents arriving at?" He glanced towards her to see that she hadn't even bothered to acknowledge what he had said "Sam, don't ignore me"

"I have no idea, Molly didn't say" Once again her words were lifeless, she was becoming a hollow shell again.

"Well how long are they staying?"

"I have no idea, Molly didn't say" She repeated, her eyes not moving from the road in front of them.

"Well what did she say?" He was beginning to lose patience with her when he knew that she was just being awkward "Sam, I at least need to know how long we are going to have to play the happily married couple" This time he got a reaction out of her but it wasn't what he really wanted to hear

"Yeah because we were always so happy!" She was acting out to try and push him away but he wasn't going to leave her this time despite the venom in her voice he knew that she didn't mean what she was saying.

"This really isn't the time for this, call your mum and find out when they are going to get here."

"It never is Dylan!" She pulled out her phone and tried to call her mum but it went straight to voicemail.

They spent the rest of the journey in silence again after Sam's mum hadn't answered her phone, a few miles from Sam's flat it dawned on her that she hadn't told Dylan her address yet he seemed to know exactly where he was going so she chose to break the unbearable silence.

"How do you know where I live?"

"What?" He panicked, she was going to know that he had walked past where she lived, that he had been checking up on her

"How do you know where I live? It's not a difficult question Dylan" She didn't really care that he knew but she was curious as to why he knew.

"Yes, well, I did not say that it was a difficult question and I don't believe it's unreasonable for a husband to know where his wife stays" He couldn't hide the tone of his voice, he sounded like a kid who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Technical wife Dylan, remember. Your words." Her voice was back to being cold and lifeless again, as if she didn't have the energy to fight anymore, she had given up.

He parked up beside her Mercedes, being careful not to park too close knowing how protective Sam was of her car, before allowing his head to drop to his hands for a moment.

"How did we end up like this Samantha?" He sighed before opening is car door and getting out and not acknowledging her until she unlocked the door to her small flat.

Dylan found himself looking around at the place his wife now called home; it was not unlike his boat although perhaps, believe it or not, more chaotic that his residence. There was unopened mail piled up on the table by the door, coffee mugs on practically every surface and medical journals and books all over the place. He would be surprised if she had any crockery left.

When they were living together, they had somehow managed to retain a semi-tidy home mainly for the purpose of when Sam's family had insisted on visiting regularly and Dylan had been determined to show that they were both adults capable of making decisions for themselves thus still living like messy students really wasn't going to cut it. However since the separation, he knew himself that he was slipping back into old habits of leaving stuff lying around or not hovering the boat for a week or so but that was nothing compared to the state of Sam's place.

As he found himself looking around more, he noticed that the kitchen was moderately tidy which suggested to him that it was definitely underused and that her bedroom also remained in a reasonable state, aside from some clothes lying around and an unmade bed. The room which had been the most shocking to him had been the second bedroom where he had discovered a mass of unpacked boxes, with a few which were open so he could see that they contained items which had been divided between them during the separation.

There was only one thing going round his mind as he walked about: how could I let things get so bad and not notice what was going on with her?

Thanks for reading! Please comment, good or bad :)


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